In the Charo bracket today, Bai goes up against Kelly, and Tara throws down with Daniel.
Bai and her 17 skankily-dressed personalities totally demolish Kelly's sweetly unsuspecting fugliness. There's "not knowing any better" and then there's "knowing better but showing your cooch in public anyway."
Speaking of cooch... whoops, no fair. Tara hasn't done half as much as Bai to draw our attention to that particular region of her anatomy. It seems she prefers that we stare at her "SEXY" ass. She got my vote. Daniel gets a pass because at least I will never have visual evidence to show whether his vasctomy was botched as bad as Tara's boob job.
The Bjork bracket today features Mischa vs KFed and Speidi vs Eva.
I was very tempted to vote for the King of the Manpris, but in the end, I had to give it to the schlumpy, dumpy, frumpy Mischa. She has no excuse to dress this way. NONE.
The mashup-Speidi just makes me despair, because they have TWO chances to get it right each time and they both fail miserably. At least Eva can usually be described as "quirky."
Who is in the Cher bracket today? Why, it's Kiera vs Juliette and ScarJo vs Sharon!
I want to vote for Keira simply because The Media go on and on and on about how "gorgeous" she is, but to me the stuff she chooses to wear just punctuates how wrong this assessment is. However, one cannot ignore that Juliette's wardrobe is just. Plain. Atrocious. Nope, can't let that pass, sorry Jules.
I'm dissenting with popular opinion on ScarJo vs Sharon. Sharon is wacky, but damn, she scares me. I value my life too much to vote for her and risk her tracking me down and gutting me, then wearing my skin as a cape to a red-carpet event. Compared to that lady's FIERCE fug, ScarJo can't possibly expect to get away with her throwaway looks. Scar takes the vote.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Fug Madness - Round Two
Fug Madness is still raging over at Go Fug Yourself. In the Charo Bracket today, we have Chloe vs Mary-Kate and Phobe vs Alicia.
Chole vs. MK is a seriously hard choice. However, I have to hand it to MK. They both look baggy, disheveled, wan, pissed off and bored in almost every single outfit, but MK also throws in unwashed, racoon-eyed, hunchbacked, stoned and starving to round things out very fugly. Chloe may look like she gets her clothes out of other people's trash, but at least she doesn't look like she scrounges unsuccessfully for food there too.
Phoebe wins over Alicia because at least Alicia can claim these fugtastic looks are just stage-dressing. PP, given the fact that she has never been IN anything or ON any stage that I've ever heard of, has no such excuse. The only excuse I can think of for PP is that perhaps red hair dye causes brain damage. Does it?
In the Bjork bracket, we have Renee vs Brittany and Paris vs Kimberley.
I had to vote for Renee over Brittany, simply because she's always got this look on her face like her top lip stinks. I just can't get over how she seems incapable of holding a normal facial expression. Sorry, that's completely irrational, but there you are.
I have to go with Paris (that's what HE said) on the strength of the fact that she dresses like a 5-dollar hooker with a trust fund. If I could afford any top designer label on the planet and then have everything down to my thong custom-fitted, there is NO WAY I would be caught dead wearing something that would make the SVU cops say, "Well, we might as well eliminate the johns as suspects first."
Over in the Cher bracket, Courtney vs Paula and Fergie vs Rhianna take centre stage.
In order to pick a winner between Courtney and Paula, I had to take the measure of which woman is MORE deluded about thinking she looks good. The gap between Courtney's reality and her perceived reality is greater than Paula's. Compared to Courtney, Paula is only mildly deluded in thinking she looks good. (Compared to a normal person, she's wildly deluded, but that's another contest entirely.)
I have to agree with the Fug Girls that Rhianna's overall sense of style is hit and miss. Because she does sometimes hit, she is not as much of a fug criminal as Fergie.
The last matchup, in the Madonna bracket pits Lucy vs JLo and Helena vs Beyonce.
Lucy's haute-couture crimes or JLo's mumuu madness? Decisions, decisions! I'm going with JLo because she insists on wearing big, billowy, drapey cover-ups that make her look stumpy and round, while Lucy proves that even if you have no taste, you can still show off your killer calves once in a while.
HBC's notorious bird's-nest hair and chalky face have become her signature. This is her look, she's made it her own, and she consistently dresses according to its rules. I guess I've come to accept it, much in the same way one goes through the stages of grief, acceptance being the final stage. I will never, ever accept Beyonce's eye-peeling outfits, however, so I must vote for her. This woman simply MUST be pried out of her mother's evil clutches and dressed to the advantage that we all know she possesses. Free Beyonce! Free Beyonce!
Chole vs. MK is a seriously hard choice. However, I have to hand it to MK. They both look baggy, disheveled, wan, pissed off and bored in almost every single outfit, but MK also throws in unwashed, racoon-eyed, hunchbacked, stoned and starving to round things out very fugly. Chloe may look like she gets her clothes out of other people's trash, but at least she doesn't look like she scrounges unsuccessfully for food there too.
Phoebe wins over Alicia because at least Alicia can claim these fugtastic looks are just stage-dressing. PP, given the fact that she has never been IN anything or ON any stage that I've ever heard of, has no such excuse. The only excuse I can think of for PP is that perhaps red hair dye causes brain damage. Does it?
In the Bjork bracket, we have Renee vs Brittany and Paris vs Kimberley.
I had to vote for Renee over Brittany, simply because she's always got this look on her face like her top lip stinks. I just can't get over how she seems incapable of holding a normal facial expression. Sorry, that's completely irrational, but there you are.
I have to go with Paris (that's what HE said) on the strength of the fact that she dresses like a 5-dollar hooker with a trust fund. If I could afford any top designer label on the planet and then have everything down to my thong custom-fitted, there is NO WAY I would be caught dead wearing something that would make the SVU cops say, "Well, we might as well eliminate the johns as suspects first."
Over in the Cher bracket, Courtney vs Paula and Fergie vs Rhianna take centre stage.
In order to pick a winner between Courtney and Paula, I had to take the measure of which woman is MORE deluded about thinking she looks good. The gap between Courtney's reality and her perceived reality is greater than Paula's. Compared to Courtney, Paula is only mildly deluded in thinking she looks good. (Compared to a normal person, she's wildly deluded, but that's another contest entirely.)
I have to agree with the Fug Girls that Rhianna's overall sense of style is hit and miss. Because she does sometimes hit, she is not as much of a fug criminal as Fergie.
The last matchup, in the Madonna bracket pits Lucy vs JLo and Helena vs Beyonce.
Lucy's haute-couture crimes or JLo's mumuu madness? Decisions, decisions! I'm going with JLo because she insists on wearing big, billowy, drapey cover-ups that make her look stumpy and round, while Lucy proves that even if you have no taste, you can still show off your killer calves once in a while.
HBC's notorious bird's-nest hair and chalky face have become her signature. This is her look, she's made it her own, and she consistently dresses according to its rules. I guess I've come to accept it, much in the same way one goes through the stages of grief, acceptance being the final stage. I will never, ever accept Beyonce's eye-peeling outfits, however, so I must vote for her. This woman simply MUST be pried out of her mother's evil clutches and dressed to the advantage that we all know she possesses. Free Beyonce! Free Beyonce!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Fug Madness
March Madness? Who cares? I'm Canadian. To me, March is the month when the Leafs make one final desperate, futile attempt to claw their way into the last available playoff spot... and fail miserably.
Luckily, to cheer me up this year, I have Fug Madness over at Go Fug Yourself. The Cher Bracket, Round One. Linday Lohan vs Courtney Peldon, Rhianna vs Sandra Oh, Fergie vs. Brad Pitt and Nelly Furtado vs Paula Abdul.
Lindsay vs. Courtney. A battle for the ages! Given the fact that they display relatively equal levels of fugability, I had to base my vote on which of them more closely resembles a sane human being. In this case the answer is Lindsay. Therefore, Courtney grabs the fug vote. TKO!
At least the stuff Sandra wears looks like it can be found at Barney's. Unlike Rhianna's duds, which allowed her to take the prize away from Sandra simply due to the fact that most of it looks like it was manufactured in a Korean aluminum-shingle factory.
I went against the grain in the Brad/Fergie matchup. Ultimately, I felt this came down to who was trending in which direction. Fergie is trending up; presumably with age comes a bit of fashion maturity. As for Brad, he's over the hump and coming down the other side of the mountain...really effing fast. More and more, he looks like he sleeps in under a bridge and forages for scraps in a makeshift dump on the outskirts of New Orleans. (Maybe Angelina could use a few of those scraps, ya think, Brad??) Therefore, my vote went to Sad Brad.
Again, another very evenly matched pair is submitted for our consideration: Paula and Nelly. I'll admit, I am tempted to vote for Nelly just out of patriotic solidarity. However, putting that aside, I do think my fellow Canadian is working harder for the vote. Paula is invariably sunny and upbeat, even when dressed like a goth kindergartener. On the other hand, Nelly consistently looks like she hates herself for wearing what she does. And that won me over. So do I, Nelly. So do I.
The Bjork Bracket, Round One. Renee Zellweger vs Katie Holmes, Gwen Stefani vs Brittany Murphy, Paris Hilton vs Elisha Cuthbert and Ali Larter vs Kimberly Stewart.
Although the fug compentency of Renee and Katie are roughly equal, Renee takes it for her unredemptive haircut. At least Katie's bob is covet-worthy.
Granted, Gwen is sartorially challenged, but Brittany gets extra points for fugging up her own face. When you're willing to surgically alter your flesh in order to win the fug crown, that level of dedication deserves to be rewarded.
Elisha put in a good efforzzzzzzzz... wha? Oh, sorry. As I was saying, nice try, Elisha. But no one this drab can snatch (what pun?) the fug trophy from Paris; someone who simply oozes fug from her hollow insides through her very oily pores.
Ali's one-note look is indeed snooze-worthy (See Elisha Cuthbert), but Kimberly's desperate aping of starlets whose fugaliciousness is vastly superior to her own gives her the edge in this matchup.
The Charo Bracket, Round One. Chloe Sevigny vs Cameron Diaz, Jessica Simpson vs Phoebe Price, Alicia Keys vs Eva Longoria and Diane Kruger vs Mary-Kate Olsen.
The Chloe/Cameron matchup is undeniably epic. Their fashion crimes are equally heinous. I feel the prize must go to Chloe, though, basically because this hot mess of a pale, limp blonde is constantly being held up as the fashionista of the decade, yet I can see absolutely no evidence as to why. This is a protest against every fashion rag that tells me this washed-out, mediocre starlette (diminutive intentional) is something to emulate.
Jessica's brain-dead fug to me is more worth a vote than Phoebe's desperate attention-grabbing fug, partly because desperation is a turn-off and partly because WHO THE HELL IS PHOEBE PRICE? Seriously. I cannot understand why the public is subjected to this woman as though she has actually done anything noteworthy. Not that anything Jessica has done is worthy, but at least she's NOTEworthy.
Alicia and Eva...that's a hard one. But I think it comes down to the fact that Alicia does less with more, while Eva simply does less with less. Frankly, doing less with less is what the rest of us non-famous people do. Alicia has more hot bod to work with, which she disappointingly squanders at every turn. Shame on you, Alicia! But you got the vote, yay!
Diane puts up a good fight (yeah, what the hell IS that thing??), but Mary-Kate manages to look not only consistently deranged, but consistently homeless. There is no reason why a bajillionaire like MK should look like she spends her nights at the Salvation Army shelter and shops at their donation warehouse during the day. And would it kill her to invest in a comb?
The Madonna Bracket, Round One. Jennifer Lopez vs Natalie Portman, Helena Bonham Carter vs Kelly Osbourne, Beyonce vs Kylie Minogue and Jennifer Connelly vs Lucy Liu.
Natalie's major fug offence seems to be making herself look 50 years older than she actually is. A heinous crime in someone so naturally lovely if there ever was one. JLo, on the other hand, constantly looks like a 50yo trying to look like a 20-something hipster. Also a crime, and one perpetrated far more consistently and aggressively by La Lopez. She takes it, hands down.
Kelly gives the impression of a young girl uncomfortable with puberty. Perhaps, one thinks, all Kelly needs is some maternal guidance to help her harness her boobs and settle on a non-synthetic hairdo. Helena has no such excuse, however. That lady is plain bat-sh*t crazy. And crazy always crushes awkward.
Kylie and Beyonce are well-matched. But the play goes Beyonce for sheer retina-burning intensity of fug.
Comparing Lucy and Jennifer smacks a little of apples and oranges (mmm... yummy!). In the end, though, I feel the fact that Lucy chooses to dress as psychotically off the set as on is more sartorially offensive than Jennifer's more hum-drum flavour of fashion vicimization.
Luckily, to cheer me up this year, I have Fug Madness over at Go Fug Yourself. The Cher Bracket, Round One. Linday Lohan vs Courtney Peldon, Rhianna vs Sandra Oh, Fergie vs. Brad Pitt and Nelly Furtado vs Paula Abdul.
Lindsay vs. Courtney. A battle for the ages! Given the fact that they display relatively equal levels of fugability, I had to base my vote on which of them more closely resembles a sane human being. In this case the answer is Lindsay. Therefore, Courtney grabs the fug vote. TKO!
At least the stuff Sandra wears looks like it can be found at Barney's. Unlike Rhianna's duds, which allowed her to take the prize away from Sandra simply due to the fact that most of it looks like it was manufactured in a Korean aluminum-shingle factory.
I went against the grain in the Brad/Fergie matchup. Ultimately, I felt this came down to who was trending in which direction. Fergie is trending up; presumably with age comes a bit of fashion maturity. As for Brad, he's over the hump and coming down the other side of the mountain...really effing fast. More and more, he looks like he sleeps in under a bridge and forages for scraps in a makeshift dump on the outskirts of New Orleans. (Maybe Angelina could use a few of those scraps, ya think, Brad??) Therefore, my vote went to Sad Brad.
Again, another very evenly matched pair is submitted for our consideration: Paula and Nelly. I'll admit, I am tempted to vote for Nelly just out of patriotic solidarity. However, putting that aside, I do think my fellow Canadian is working harder for the vote. Paula is invariably sunny and upbeat, even when dressed like a goth kindergartener. On the other hand, Nelly consistently looks like she hates herself for wearing what she does. And that won me over. So do I, Nelly. So do I.
The Bjork Bracket, Round One. Renee Zellweger vs Katie Holmes, Gwen Stefani vs Brittany Murphy, Paris Hilton vs Elisha Cuthbert and Ali Larter vs Kimberly Stewart.
Although the fug compentency of Renee and Katie are roughly equal, Renee takes it for her unredemptive haircut. At least Katie's bob is covet-worthy.
Granted, Gwen is sartorially challenged, but Brittany gets extra points for fugging up her own face. When you're willing to surgically alter your flesh in order to win the fug crown, that level of dedication deserves to be rewarded.
Elisha put in a good efforzzzzzzzz... wha? Oh, sorry. As I was saying, nice try, Elisha. But no one this drab can snatch (what pun?) the fug trophy from Paris; someone who simply oozes fug from her hollow insides through her very oily pores.
Ali's one-note look is indeed snooze-worthy (See Elisha Cuthbert), but Kimberly's desperate aping of starlets whose fugaliciousness is vastly superior to her own gives her the edge in this matchup.
The Charo Bracket, Round One. Chloe Sevigny vs Cameron Diaz, Jessica Simpson vs Phoebe Price, Alicia Keys vs Eva Longoria and Diane Kruger vs Mary-Kate Olsen.
The Chloe/Cameron matchup is undeniably epic. Their fashion crimes are equally heinous. I feel the prize must go to Chloe, though, basically because this hot mess of a pale, limp blonde is constantly being held up as the fashionista of the decade, yet I can see absolutely no evidence as to why. This is a protest against every fashion rag that tells me this washed-out, mediocre starlette (diminutive intentional) is something to emulate.
Jessica's brain-dead fug to me is more worth a vote than Phoebe's desperate attention-grabbing fug, partly because desperation is a turn-off and partly because WHO THE HELL IS PHOEBE PRICE? Seriously. I cannot understand why the public is subjected to this woman as though she has actually done anything noteworthy. Not that anything Jessica has done is worthy, but at least she's NOTEworthy.
Alicia and Eva...that's a hard one. But I think it comes down to the fact that Alicia does less with more, while Eva simply does less with less. Frankly, doing less with less is what the rest of us non-famous people do. Alicia has more hot bod to work with, which she disappointingly squanders at every turn. Shame on you, Alicia! But you got the vote, yay!
Diane puts up a good fight (yeah, what the hell IS that thing??), but Mary-Kate manages to look not only consistently deranged, but consistently homeless. There is no reason why a bajillionaire like MK should look like she spends her nights at the Salvation Army shelter and shops at their donation warehouse during the day. And would it kill her to invest in a comb?
The Madonna Bracket, Round One. Jennifer Lopez vs Natalie Portman, Helena Bonham Carter vs Kelly Osbourne, Beyonce vs Kylie Minogue and Jennifer Connelly vs Lucy Liu.
Natalie's major fug offence seems to be making herself look 50 years older than she actually is. A heinous crime in someone so naturally lovely if there ever was one. JLo, on the other hand, constantly looks like a 50yo trying to look like a 20-something hipster. Also a crime, and one perpetrated far more consistently and aggressively by La Lopez. She takes it, hands down.
Kelly gives the impression of a young girl uncomfortable with puberty. Perhaps, one thinks, all Kelly needs is some maternal guidance to help her harness her boobs and settle on a non-synthetic hairdo. Helena has no such excuse, however. That lady is plain bat-sh*t crazy. And crazy always crushes awkward.
Kylie and Beyonce are well-matched. But the play goes Beyonce for sheer retina-burning intensity of fug.
Comparing Lucy and Jennifer smacks a little of apples and oranges (mmm... yummy!). In the end, though, I feel the fact that Lucy chooses to dress as psychotically off the set as on is more sartorially offensive than Jennifer's more hum-drum flavour of fashion vicimization.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Dave Celia - Evidently True
I'm out of town right now, so I hope to have some good photos of my trip to post later. In the meantime, here's a music video by a friend of ours, Dave Celia. The story behind it is that he had originally been hoping to get a grant from Videofact to shoot this, but they rejected him (again). So he made this with $1500 of his own money.
This was a featured video on YouTube for a couple of days, and it got over 100,000 hits. Hope you like it!
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Winter Sucks Donkey Balls
Hate you, winter!I can't remember the last winter when there was this much snow over so many months. Blah! Sometimes I wish I could pick Toronto up and plunk it in the middle of the Caribbean. Then it would truly be the perfect place to live!
But no. This is my reality.
Le sigh.The really depressing thing is that there might be another storm on Friday, which is when my mom, my SO and I are supposed to fly to Halifax. Can you say "airport delays"? Plus, I think the Maritimes has even more snow than here, and I'm the one who is going to be driving the rental car all week. I haven't driven in snow in years. Oh, man.
The only good thing about this winter is that I've had more "working from home" days than ever. My boss doesn't expect me to make the slog to Scarberia in weather like this. It would take an hour an a half or more. Nope, not gonna do it. So I'm checking my work email every once in a while, and in the meantime I can start packing for the trip. First thing in the suitcase will be longjohns. Ugh.
The Brain of the Man I Love
Speaking of creatures I have an inexplicable affection for, I live with my SO. He works at the LCBO. For the non-Canadians among you, that's the government agency that runs Ontario's chain of liquor stores. In Ontario, you can only by liquor at LCBO stores (and beer at The Beer Store).
Anyway, here's a peek at how my SO's mind works. He was recently at a training seminar where they sample new liquor products and learn more about them so they can sell people more booze. I guess he got bored, because he was not only taking notes, he started writing what he actually thought of the stuff he was tasting on the handouts he'd been given. Here's what he wrote about Alizé Bleu:
In case you can't quite see that, the bullet point near the top of the photo says: "[Alizé's] link to rap and hip-hop music continues to fuel demand among younger consumers." Then my SO added: "... who find the lower alcohol content better for their 'point and shoot' lifestyle."
Then, at the bottom of the page, he added two more bullet points:
Anyway, here's a peek at how my SO's mind works. He was recently at a training seminar where they sample new liquor products and learn more about them so they can sell people more booze. I guess he got bored, because he was not only taking notes, he started writing what he actually thought of the stuff he was tasting on the handouts he'd been given. Here's what he wrote about Alizé Bleu:
In case you can't quite see that, the bullet point near the top of the photo says: "[Alizé's] link to rap and hip-hop music continues to fuel demand among younger consumers." Then my SO added: "... who find the lower alcohol content better for their 'point and shoot' lifestyle."
Then, at the bottom of the page, he added two more bullet points:
- Covers the taste of GHB when drugging up runaways from the bus station.
- This shit makes girls' pants fall right off.
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