Fug Madness - Round Two

Fug Madness is still raging over at Go Fug Yourself. In the Charo Bracket today, we have Chloe vs Mary-Kate and Phobe vs Alicia.

Chole vs. MK is a seriously hard choice. However, I have to hand it to MK. They both look baggy, disheveled, wan, pissed off and bored in almost every single outfit, but MK also throws in unwashed, racoon-eyed, hunchbacked, stoned and starving to round things out very fugly. Chloe may look like she gets her clothes out of other people's trash, but at least she doesn't look like she scrounges unsuccessfully for food there too.

Phoebe wins over Alicia because at least Alicia can claim these fugtastic looks are just stage-dressing. PP, given the fact that she has never been IN anything or ON any stage that I've ever heard of, has no such excuse. The only excuse I can think of for PP is that perhaps red hair dye causes brain damage. Does it?

In the Bjork bracket, we have Renee vs Brittany and Paris vs Kimberley.

I had to vote for Renee over Brittany, simply because she's always got this look on her face like her top lip stinks. I just can't get over how she seems incapable of holding a normal facial expression. Sorry, that's completely irrational, but there you are.

I have to go with Paris (that's what HE said) on the strength of the fact that she dresses like a 5-dollar hooker with a trust fund. If I could afford any top designer label on the planet and then have everything down to my thong custom-fitted, there is NO WAY I would be caught dead wearing something that would make the SVU cops say, "Well, we might as well eliminate the johns as suspects first."

Over in the Cher bracket, Courtney vs Paula and Fergie vs Rhianna take centre stage.

In order to pick a winner between Courtney and Paula, I had to take the measure of which woman is MORE deluded about thinking she looks good. The gap between Courtney's reality and her perceived reality is greater than Paula's. Compared to Courtney, Paula is only mildly deluded in thinking she looks good. (Compared to a normal person, she's wildly deluded, but that's another contest entirely.)

I have to agree with the Fug Girls that Rhianna's overall sense of style is hit and miss. Because she does sometimes hit, she is not as much of a fug criminal as Fergie.

The last matchup, in the Madonna bracket pits Lucy vs JLo and Helena vs Beyonce.

Lucy's haute-couture crimes or JLo's mumuu madness? Decisions, decisions! I'm going with JLo because she insists on wearing big, billowy, drapey cover-ups that make her look stumpy and round, while Lucy proves that even if you have no taste, you can still show off your killer calves once in a while.

HBC's notorious bird's-nest hair and chalky face have become her signature. This is her look, she's made it her own, and she consistently dresses according to its rules. I guess I've come to accept it, much in the same way one goes through the stages of grief, acceptance being the final stage. I will never, ever accept Beyonce's eye-peeling outfits, however, so I must vote for her. This woman simply MUST be pried out of her mother's evil clutches and dressed to the advantage that we all know she possesses. Free Beyonce! Free Beyonce!