Boob Man

So Baby R -- a.k.a. Milk Monster, a.k.a. Milkface -- has been attached to my boob seemingly once an hour for the past two days and part of the nights, too. And it's not the blissful, peaceful nursing you see in baby stock photography where a cherubic infant nurses serenely while gazing deeply into his lovely, white-gowned, perfectly made-up, perfectly coiffed mama's eyes while they cuddle comfortably in a plushy chair in a light-filled room with gauzy curtains billowing softly behind them. No, much of this nursing has been a sweaty, squirmy, fussy, messy, frustrating struggle for both of us. Plus, it has proved nigh impossible to get the Milk Monster to nap for more than half an hour at a stretch during the day... if he naps at all.

Gone is the predictable newborn who would nurse happily for 30 or 40 minutes and then crash for 2 hours. Now he nurses fussily, latching and unlatching, kicking and punching me for 10 minutes and then wants more 15 minutes later, or he nurses happily for half an hour and wants more half an hour later. I pray to Bob this is just one of those growth spurts I keep hearing about and that it will be over soon. Then again, I heard that evening cluster feeding and fussiness were growth-spurt things, but Baby R has been doing that for... oh... 9 weeks now. So THAT's pretty much bullshit.

I find that many of the things "they" say about breastfeeding are pretty much bullshit, at least for me. For example, I don't feel any deep, mystical connection to Baby R while he's nursing... not moreso than at any other time anyway. He's nursing right now, as a matter of fact, and I'm writing this post, not establishing a psychic link with him. I'm thinking about how hungry I'm getting and wondering whether he'll sleep for a while after he's done so I can make myself some dinner. But given how things have been going lately, he'll wake up as soon as I try to put him down and he'll squawk if I don't carry him around while I do my thing one-handed. That stuff about a sling being a bfing mom's best friend? Also BS. Baby R hates the sling... and forget about nursing in it! Don't make me laugh! Although I have ordered a new one in the hopes that the one we have was just the wrong size. Yeah, I probably wasted my money, but I'm nothing if not desperate to be able to free myself to eat, at least.

Oh, and just 'cause he's nothing if not a comedian, Baby R almost completely rejects bottles, so I'm the only one who can feed him 99% of the time. I've gone out without him precisely twice since he was born, because it's so hard for anyone else to feed him. We started having CV give him a bottle of expressed breastmilk once a night when he was about 2 weeks old so that I could get a little more sleep and therefore not burst into tears of exhaustion at random times anymore. It worked like a charm for a while. Then at around 6 weeks, Baby R suddenly started rejecting the bottle. I guess he realized he was getting ripped off. CV still tries every night, but at most Baby R will drink an ounce and then refuse any more until he's presented with boob. So much for mommy's sleep. I think now I've become immune to the crazy-making effects of sleep deprivation, though. I just plow through the day.

Man, if Baby R would take a bottle, he'd be getting at least one during these all-day nursing marathons, let me tell ya!

I think I keep bfing out of pure stubbornness. I said I would bf exclusively until 6 months, therefore that is what I'm going to do, dammit! In fact, I don't plan to have him completely weaned until between 10 and 12 months. My mom, sister and doctor seem to assume I'll be giving him cereal at 4 months, but I intend to do no such thing, barring unforeseen circumstances.

Also, I'm cheap. Have you seen how much formula costs?? The way this kid eats, I'd be in the poorhouse by now if I were feeding him formula! Also, I'm lazy. I read the instructions for preparing, storing and feeding formula and... yeah... no. I'm a mom, not a freaking lab tech! They make it sound like if you do one thing wrong, your kid's head will explode!

Still... I can't help but be a leeeeetle bit jealous of formula-feeding moms who have babies who eat predictably, sleep longer, don't hang off the boob 18 hours a day and can be fed in public without awkwardness. I know "breast is best," but still... le sigh. I'll never be the poster woman for breastfeeding, I guess.