Life Intervenes... Again

Well, so much for my year of sipping lattes and blogging blithely while my angel baby suckles, snuggled in his organic cotton wrap carrier. That's not exactly how being a new mother has worked out, at least for me! Reality check: sleep deprivation, bottle refusal, cluster nursing, blocked ducts, diaper blowouts, sippy cup refusal. Yeah, that's for realz.

Also for realz: sloppy baby kisses, cuddles,

INTERMISSION

Haha! It was 4:30 a.m. when I started writing; Baby R was nursing, lying on his nursing pillow. I was actually in a good mood, because this was his first wakeup of the night, and I thought I'd be able to get another couple of hours of sleep before getting up for work. But reality intervenes once more! Baby R lifted his head, leaned over the arm of the chair and PUKED. And PUKED. And PUKED again! Woo! At least he was considerate enough to puke mostly on the floor and not on us.

I had to wake up poor SO -- who had worked until midnight -- to hold Baby R so I could clean up. At least he hadn’t puked on himself or me. But when I turned on the light in his room I realized there was poop on his sheet and blankets, so I had to change those too. Then I nursed Baby R again. When he was finished, I stood up to put him in the crib, and he puked. And puked. And puked again. This time it was all over my shoulder, his arm and the floor. I got poor SO out of bed to change Baby R ’s clothes while I cleaned up again. Then we were all exhausted so we all went to bed together. But of course I couldn’t sleep and I had to get up at 6:45 anyway. So essentially I have been up since 4:30.


I still came to work today because SO is home until 1:00 and his parents, who are visiting from the Maritimes, are perfectly capable of taking care of him until I get home. Also, I thought it would be gauche to skip work considering my first day back was just 2 days ago. But I’m still worried, of course. I wonder if I should have stayed home just so Baby R can nurse instead of having to eat food. I hope he doesn’t refuse to drink again like he did yesterday; he hates his sippy cup. (WHY WON’T HE DRINK?? ARGH!!!! DARN KIDS THESE DAYS, WITH THEIR VIDEO GAMES AND THEIR TEXT MESSAGES AND REFUSING THEIR SIPPY CUPS! shakes fist) At least he didn’t have a fever and he seemed to be in a good mood when I left.

Also, I slipped and fell on some ice yesterday and effed up my right arm real good, so there’s that too. Boo hoo!

Motherhood: The New Oppression

I recently read an article called "Motherhood: The new oppression" by Margaret Wente. You know, there's nothing more dull and unoriginal than a Boomer whinging about how much better things were back in her day.

But by modern standards [my mother] was a mediocre parent. She smoked. She drank. She drove us around without seatbelts, while she smoked. ... Now we know better. The obligations of responsible mothering have been ratcheted way up. They start before conception, when you must swear off alcohol and tobacco so as not to harm your hypothetical embryo. Abstinence from all things, including ice cream (you can’t gain too much weight!) extends through pregnancy. Natural childbirth? Of course, preferably at home. Epidurals are for losers.

Sure, Peggy. Let's all go back to the good ol' days when smoking was good for you, nobody's life had ever been saved by a seatbelt, everyone sprayed DDT in their backyards and a good wife and mother always had a martini in one hand and Father's slippers in the other when he got home from work... and a bottle of Valium in her flowered apron pocket. Ah, nostalgia!

I have to agree, though. Man, it was oppressive to quit drinking for nine months! I don't know how I lived like that! The cold sweats, the shakes... it was like detoxing in prison, lordy be! And smoking... I quit smoking 3 years before I got pregnant because it's, ya know, bad for you. But ironically, when I got pregnant, the first thing I wanted to do was light up a fag, dude. However, The Man (The Woman?) stood in my way, tsk-tsking about birth defects and junk. Like being in freaking chains, I tell ya.

Mothers are our own worst critics; we don't really give a crap what the other mothers are doing, we worry about what we should be doing. And we usually end up choosing whatever works. We don't take other mothers out into the street and shoot them for letting their kids leave the house without sunscreen. Who has the time? I have yet to be chastised by anyone for buying disposable diapers. Neither is there a Cloth Diaper Mommy of the Year Award, and I have never met a CD'ing mother who expects to win one. Yes, we plan to make our own baby food... because we're cheap and pre-packaged baby food is a scam. We can mash up what we eat and feed it to the baby; isn't that just being savvy? If you think we're all trying to live up to this laughably high standard, you're wrong. We're just doing what makes sense and works for our families. If the fact that we are educated about the products we buy bothers you, I'm guessing your retirement portfolio contains a lot of Monsanto stock or something. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Heck, I enjoy a worm-free apple as much as the next guy.

By the way, Peg, don't you think your own mother had some impossibly high standards to live up to in her day? In your mother's day, a "good" mom would never dream of working outside the home. She would never feed her family frozen dinners or pre-packaged cookies. She would always be caught up on the laundry, ironing and dishwashing. She would be a skilled seamstress and sew the latest fashionable outfits for herself and her children. The list goes on and on. Did your mother live up to all these standards? If she was a reasonably happy human being -- and it sounds like she was -- she probably didn't. What makes you think it's any different now just because the criteria for "good mom" have changed? We all still "cheat." It's mostly the people looking at motherhood from the outside who think we're all killing ourselves to live up to this impossible standard. Trust me, we're not all like that. Most of us are like your mom.

So, thanks for worrying about me, but I don't feel oppressed, sorry. Yes, I gave birth without an epidural... because I wanted to. I also breastfeed because I want to, it's free and I'm too lazy to mix formula. I also use disposables because I want to. Oops, I'm a bad mom! Except, nobody has said this to me, so I'm not sure why you're worried about it.

I wish I could say I don't know whether my baby's bottles have BPA, but I know they don't because it was banned. I guess I should get on the Internets and find some cheap Chinese bottles just to prove I don't care about my kid ingesting fake estrogens? But I'm sure you're not saying I should, nor should I be blowing second-hand smoke in my child's face like I don't know what could result from that, and I'm sure you're not saying I shouldn't use a car seat when the baby is in a car. So I guess I'm not sure what you are saying. Maybe you're saying we women these days are too darn educated for our own good. OK, guilty as charged.

Today's Photo

Is there anything sweeter than baby feet?

Mother's Day

Today is my first Mother's Day as a mother. I'm a little bummed that it doesn't look like anyone is planning anything special for me. CV was sick most of the week with a tooth infection, and it was all he could do to go to work every day. My mom was at a conference most of the week, too. I feel like I do most of the planning every year to do something for my mom, but since this is my first Mother's Day, it would have been nice if someone else did something for me.


Anyway, it's a special day for me because there were times during the 2 years before we got pregnant when I doubted I would ever be a mother. And if it weren't for the miracle of modern technology, I probably still wouldn't be. But now I have this beautiful baby in my life, and he's part me, part CV. That is so awesome to me.

So I don't care that much if no one does anything for me today. I have my Mother's Day gift already: I am a mother.

Phew!

On our way home, and Baby R is sleeping again, yippee!

We made it almost all the way to the office before he woke up on the bus. He made like to fuss, but I gave him a pacifier, and he took it. Plus, since we were early, I had time to feed him and change his diaper before my coworkers got back from lunch. Good thing, too, because he had an explosive poo while I was feedn him, and it went all the way up his back, almost into his hair! I had to "wash" him with wipes, and thank Jeebus I had my emergency change of clothes for him, which I always carry in my diaper bag. First time I've needed it!

So we did the rounds of the office, and Baby R was a big hit. Another baby was with us; his mom is a freelancer and used to work in-house. Her baby was born 4 days after Rosh, but he looks gigantic in comparison!

Baby R was taken aback when the crowd Round him got up to about 7 cooing ladies, but all in all, he was golden. Then he got hungry and tired, so I nursed him in my (empty!) office, and then we got going. He was crying as I said my goodbyes, but he stopped when we got outside. Then he fell asleep on the bus, woohoo!

I was so tense the whole visit, though. Waiting for him to get hungry is like carrying an unstable stick of dynamite. I don't know why I can't just get over it. The freelancer's baby was bf'd too, but she didn't seem worried about when he might want to eat. In fact, she had gone to lunch with the coworkers. I've taken Rosh to lunch with my mom once, and I ended up bfing him awkwardly at the table and then we had to pass him back and forth so we could take turns eating, because he didn't want to be put down. Plus, her baby SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT. sigh Oh, and did I mention she flew here from New Brunswick BY HERSELF with the baby? Yeah, I feel like a lame-o.

Oh well. Everyone said I looked great and remarked on how slim I am, so there! (Let's pretend the weight loss was intentional and I can stop it whenever I want, mkay?)

Everyone asks if the baby is "good." what does that mean, exactly? Yeah, he's good. He's never killed anyone, as far as I know. He's A BABY. He does what babies do. All my anxieties and complaints and stuff, that's my problem, not his. I'm not about to tell them about that and make them think he's not "good."

Just a few more subway stops. We're going to make it! Hooray for small victories!

Away from Home

I'm on my way to take Baby R to visit my work. It's 45 minutes away by subway and bus. You have no idea how stressed I am right now. He's asleep, but for how long? There is no "safe" place to bf if he wakes up and demands boob. I would have to whip it out right here on the subway, or get off and feed him in the station. I'd have to do the latter if we're near our station already; get off there, find a bench and feed him. The thought of feeding him in a subway station terrifies me for some reason.

Anyway, he's still alseep, so far so good. Were more than halfway to our station, so the. It's just a 10-minute bus ride after that. I just need to get to the office and then I can find a more private spot to feed him before we visit everyone.

I had everything planned out perfectly for this trip. I was practically ready to go by 10:00, 2 hours early. I had set aside half an hour at 11:30 to tank Baby R up right before left, but he chose that time to get super screamy whenever I presented him with boob. I had the feeling he was close to falling alseep from wearing himself out, so I left the house a bit early. Sure enough, as soon as the stroller started to move, he passed out. But this means he'll be super hungry when he wakes up, and not inclined to be patient. Hence, my anxiety.

I just glanced at him and he was stirring, but he seems to still be sleeping. Please! We're only one stop away now! We just need to get through the bus ride. Eek!

Baby Love

Nobody ever had a baby because they wanted to be appreciated... by the baby. In terms of being thanked by the person you're waiting on hand and foot, mothering a newborn is the most thankless job on the planet. Or so it would seem.

Tonight I put Baby R down for the night before he was asleep and left the room. I did this the night before and for naps today, and I discovered that he will go to sleep on his own, as long as his tummy is completely full and he is generally content. Tonight, though, he wasn't quite done his evening nursing marathon yet, so he stayed awake and fussed. CV and I could hear him on the monitor. At first the fussing was mild, and I thought he might still drift off, but then he started to get a little louder, and I knew he wasn't done with me. So I went upstairs, even though I had wanted to spend some more time downstairs with CV.

So, I was feeling a little put out, but when Baby R saw me leaning over him, he broke out into a huge happy smile. Suddenly I realized, I'm this kid's favourite person! All I have to do is make eye contact with him, and he's thrilled. When I picked him up out of the playpen and sat him on my bed propped against my pillow as I changed my clothes, he smiled at me the whole time. It made me think, maybe the babies do thank us, after all. They thank us with helpless love and total trust.

When I got into bed and started nursing Baby R, I realized the TV remote was too far away for me to reach. I knew it could be the netter part of an hour of nursing, so I really wanted that remote. I had no choice but to interrupt Baby R just as he was vetting into his groove. I was afraid he'd be upset, be he wasn't. He just waited for me to lie back down and continue feeding him. It was like he had perfect confidence that I'd take care of him. Now that's trust!

So I guess I'll take that as my thanks, at least for now.

Blogger Apps

I've been trying out a couple of blogging apps. I tried Blogium, which isn't bad, but it's limited in what it can do. You can't add tags to your posts, for example. I would recommed it to a blogging newbie, but not a vet. Also, it's a little buggy. It crashed on me a couple of times.

I'm writing this post with BlogPress. So far it seems pretty good. I'll have to try posting photos and video before I write a review for the App Store.